The Agony of Profile & Press Photos

I’m supposed to submit photos of myself for my craftsperson bio for the Bust Craftacular. I’ve left it up the complete last minute – everything else has been done for a while, but I can’t bring myself to decide. So I’m procrastinating even more by writing a blog post about my indecision!

I hate photos of myself. They trigger me on so many levels. I really should be accustomed to them by now – I spent hours, years of my life being photographed for portfolio photos and audition photos and modeling photos and, gods help me, ice skating photos – but the impulse to run and hide and burn the negatives when faced (hah!) with photos of myself has only intensified with time.

I’m also not really sure what is appropriate to use as a press photo (especially when I don’t exactly know what the photo is going to be used for). In my mind, this photo should be representative of me as a person; me as a person enjoys being a weird geeky lady, makes funny faces for as many photos as possible and embroiders things, so it seems fitting to have a photo where I’m doing one or all of those things. But in my mind, a bio photo should also be Professional and Appropriate, and I have no photos of myself that fit that description (aside from my last batch of headshots that were taken in 2004 and are often mistaken for photos for a callgirl card and really aren’t all that appropriate either).

Also, at the moment, I am unwashed, cranky and my camera and the self timer are completely uncooperative. Here’s what I’m deciding between:

First attempt at a photo of me and my embroidery:
Searching for a press photo - Whore

It’s the perfect photo for an event with children!

Trying to use the self-timer:
Searching for a press photo - timer oops

From this morning. I was trying to use the self-timer but instead took a photo of myself scowling while trying to figure out the self timer. I look extraordiarily welcoming in this photo, yeah? Exactly the expression I need when luring folks into my craft faire booths.

From several years ago:
Searching for a press photo - scaaary

This is actually one of the few photos of myself that I really like. I’d use it, eexcept for that this photo is like… 4 years old now, going on 5. I have a lot more hair these days and look a good deal more careworn and a whole lot less cute.

Wannabe Boudoir Photo:
Searching for a press photo - Wannabe Boudoir

I was trying to take a photo of me and Magnus, but instead I got this wannabe boudoir fainting couch photo. I’m looking off to the side because the cat is over there, not because I’m dreamy and on a fainting couch (Oh! Olaf! I have the vapors!)

“I wanna look like I got the shit beaten out of me”
Searching for a press photo - "i wanna look like i got the shit beat out of me."

I <3 David Sedaris & Amy Sedaris. Me Talk Pretty One Day is one of my favorite books ever, and his story about Amy Sedaris (A Shiner Like a Diamond) is amazing, and when I look at this picture of me, that is what I think of: finding true love.

This photo is also several years old and I generally don’t look like I’ve been beaten, unless I’m in a play or haven’t gotten enough sleep. Also maybe it’s not terribly appropriate to link photos of me looking beaten with photos of my embroidered vaginas.

Kira in 2D:
Searching for a press photo - Close-Up of someone who is not me.

If I used this as a press photo of me, that would be clever, right? Not misleading at all. Because I really am an embroidered woman who very closely resembles the stunning Kelly Shibari, and no one is going to be remotely confused when they meet me in real life expecting someone 2D made from embroidery thread. And no one is going to be irritated because I didn’t follow the directions.

Ceci n’est pas une buttox du kira:
Searching for a press photo - Ceci n'est pas une buttox du kira

Also, this as a photo of me would not be remotely confusing, right? I mean, I might look like that if I bent over while wearing a tutu. It’s totally possible this is me.

Why is this so frakking difficult?

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One thought on “The Agony of Profile & Press Photos

  1. Pingback: Authenticity vs. Privacy, Now With More Douche-Canoes & Clusterfuckery. | Scarlet Tentacle – Audacious Handmade

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