First of all, hello to all new readers coming over from Feeling Stitchy! Thanks for feating my work, Mrs. Lacer! It makes me so happy to hear that folks are enjoying the embroidery patterns from ye olde Scarlet Tentacle Shoppe. I’m about to start a new tradition of designing one free Scarlet Tentacle-y embroidery pattern per month, given away on the last day of each month, so if you are visiting looking for more embroidery patterns, please do come back and visit tomorrow, which happens to be the last day in this fine month of May 2011, or stay and hear me talk about pterodactyls and backwards crossovers during roller derby practice.
And what annoying fucking backwards crossovers they are. Hypothetical internet readers, if I can still call you that, today (yesterday, as I type this, though it was a today when I originally wrote this bit down in pen) I answered a question that my subconscious has been badgering me with for three weeks: backward crossovers on quad roller skates.
SO: one of the many strange things about me is that while I almost never remember my dreams each night, the few and far between nights that I do remember my dreams, they tend to be the same: repetitive dreams, over a few nights in a row, or the same key dream-plot point over and over again over the course of years.
A partial list of things I have dreamed of multiple times and remembered:
- Finding my lost mitten: Maybe five or six years ago during a visit home to my family over a winter break from university, I found a pair of cheap chenille mittens shoved in a drawer of old ice skating gear and wore them out a few times. At some point I misplaced one of the mittens, which was absolutely no big deal to me, as they’d spent most of the time in my pockets, and, as they still smelled vaguely of ice rink, they weren’t exactly dear to me. But my subconscious insisted otherwise: every few nights after I’d lost the mitten, and the intermittently over the course of months afterward, I would dream of triumphantly finding the lost mitten in the most random parts of other dreams.
- Making up and/or making things right with old friends, particularly three lost friends from college.
- Making up with three particular lost friends from college AND finding my lost mitten AT THE SAME TIME. Those dreams are like winning Super Triple Bonus DISCO ROUND of the lottery; waking up from them kind of sucks.
- Dreaming that I can do backward crossovers in roller skates really, really well.
I mean, huh? The dreams about the mittens are weird but are probably deeply representational of some Jungian archetype about my passionate love of pterodactyls and the color neon, and the dreams about making up with friends are simply literal. But backward crossovers? Really, subconscious? The hell did that come from?
Well, OK, on some level I suppose the wondering makes a general sort of sense: I ice skated for a long time, some 13 or 14 years, both as an individual ice skater, a skater on a synchronized skating team and as an ice dancer. And so even though I’ve put on quad skates… this crossover experiment would have been my fifth time skating on roller skates ever, many ice skating skills have come in handy as derby skills, like forward crossovers and Mohawks (a kind of turn with an inexplicable name). Quad skates have two edges and a toe stop in roughly the same position as a toe pick (TOEPICK!) (I fucking hate that movie, why am I quoting it?), so I’m sure there are a lot more steps and combinations that haven’t even occurred to me that are similar and possible on both kinds of skates.
The thing about backward crossovers on quad skates is that, so far as I’ve seen in derby, they are not useful. Ever. I’ve never seen anyone do them in quad skates – before today (yesterday) I wasn’t even sure if they were possible – I’m still figuring out what quad skates can and can’t do, regardless of a comparison to ice skates. Forward crossovers are the bread and butter of moving around the rink, but as far as I’ve seen, backwards skating for more than a few moments during a bout is both useless and potentially dangerous and even possibly illegal. I really can’t explain: backward crossovers
But my repetitive dreaming subconscious apparently did: over the last two weeks, the same two weeks I missed three of four practices, I dreamt at least four times about doing backward crossovers in laps, fast laps, around the track.
So today (yesterday), as us super-new-to-derby-folks were practicing turning backward and forward, I snuck in some crossovers around the ends of the track and they went well! No the 40MPH I’d been imaging in my head, but still: no crashes, and they felt the same as they always had on ice. I’m sure I looked like some kind of stork attempting to swim in tar, but still. Maybe they’ll be as useful as my newfound habit of making odd screeching noises at people who are trying to hit me, unless that’s illegal too.
SO: subconscious, I formally invite you to STFU about the fucking backward crossovers. Find some new, actually useful skill to fixate on, like growing wings and turning into a pterodactyl on quad skates.